I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
