hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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