Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
