If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
