I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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