If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
