I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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