im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
