i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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