i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize