I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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