Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
