The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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