Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize