three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
