one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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