That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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