I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
