I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
