Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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