a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
