You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
