she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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