Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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