thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we're so committed to being not committed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
