I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
