I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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