dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
