hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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