The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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