I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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