I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
