just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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