Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
