***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
