She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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