So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it because I queefed?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
