Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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