just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
