Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
