using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
