If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
