Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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