I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So. Much. Porn.
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