I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
