I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
