didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
