i already hear my dad disowning me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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