I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
