her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
