He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
