Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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