My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
