My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't put those talents on a resume
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
