So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
