Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
