im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
