Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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