I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
