saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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