I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
