I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize