Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
