Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
