thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
