That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
