I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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