What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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