ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
