i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
