Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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