This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
